This past week was really intense for me. My husband worked overtime till 9pm a lot. I feel bad even saying this knowing some mom's have like 8 kids and some mom's have deployed husbands. I only have 3 kiddos, ages 5, 3, and 9 months. But oh my gosh I was constantly on my last straw.
Without going into why or how, my 5 year old is high needs. Trying to deal with a teething baby while the boys were going at it was extra tough this week though. Bad behavior is almost scripted here whenever the boys don't get enough daddy-time.
One day nobody would nap. I felt like ripping my hair out. Just friction at every turn. I was on empty and not being filled back up but still having to pour more of myself out. I actually told my son, "honey I need you to play very quietly right now. Mommy is out of batteries. I need to be alone so my batteries can charge, otherwise I start to feel icky."
He kind of understood when I broke it down like that, and even offered to play with the baby quietly so that batteries could charge, lol. But she wouldn't be quiet so... sigh.
And then the bad thoughts started eating at me.
Like "What was I thinking? This staying at home with small children is too hard and unappreciated. I went to college!"
"Was it a mistake to give up piano-teaching two month's ago? Well it was too stressful for me to be gone in the evenings.... but I should be allowed to have a life to! They're totally taking me over! No no, this was my decision..."
I found myself just ruminating like that while I was toweling off a toddler and handing toys to the baby while overly-stressed from my 5 year old's sticky mess. BECAUSE IT WAS 8 O'CLOCK AND I WAS JUST DONE.
I found myself searching for comfort and relief. And a small still voice said, parent from your knees. So I got myself into my bible as soon as I could. You know, at night, when I was dead to the world. I tried to read a little and get the wheels to turn inside my fried brain but they wouldnt. It's cool though. The awesome thing is that The Word is alive. Even reading while not really processing it did something for me and I felt recharged enough. GOD IS GOOD.
Then on Friday Rose could see how worn out I was and asked me what I needed. I said 'I don't know - like a day away from kids, lol" totally not being serious because it isn't an option (we don't have a lot of family to help by taking them all).
But Saturday I woke up to...quiet. I carried the baby out of the room and ate breakfast. No sounds of boys fighting. It was weird. Finally I asked my husband if they were ok downstairs. He said they were gone. Rose was taking them out until thier nap, then she was giving us a date as well in the evening. She surprised me! My whole body felt lighter!
It was just such a blessing. That whole day I was able to recharge and be a better more loving mom because of it! I really do take batteries. I'm so glad I asked God for help. Praise the Lord. And thank God for Rose. He definitly uses other people to help us and come through.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
My Long Tedious Reply to The Common SAHM Question: "So, What do You Do All Day?"
"So, what do you do all day?" I can't tell you how many times working moms ask me that. It's so funny because I truly feel that I do not have enough time in the day with how busy I am. I think people who are not stay at home moms don't mean to sound rude and legitimately wonder what there really is to do for so many hours at home with little ones. To be honest, I've actually asked that same question to other SAHM friends of mine when we're hanging out!
So I thought I'd just go ahead and paint the picture for you then, since I know it'll be fun to read this when I'm looking back one day.
My day-to day varies greatly, but also has some hardcore routine.
Anywhere between 7:30 and 9: Nurse the baby in bed. Get dressed and wash my face. Come out and hug my boys, who are usually eating breakfast with Rose in the kitchen (the family friend who has been living in our spare room for 6 months to help me with kids).
9am: Eat breakfast and tend to children. Wipe butts, give the baby toys, clean random water-on-floor messes etc... All while drinking coffee and reading interesting blogs and articles.
9:30: Either get all kids ready and pack them the van so I can go work out, or get my cooking/cleaning on. If staying home, I do the beginning of dinner prep, vacuum, or dishes. All while taking little breaks to nurse, kissing boo-boos, giving time-outs, and reffing fights. During these hours before naps I try to sneak in the office for 3 minutes where I usually have an epic art mess going on and put some kind of finishing touch on my latest crafty creation (I love doing All the art you guys). Or if the boys are outside playing for a bit I'll take a cleaning break to practice a song on the piano two or three times before Hadassah cries for attention.
* If it's a gym day, I am there until noon, then we either stop at Taco Bell for the boys' beloved cheesy roll-ups or we go home where I attempt to make a healthier lunch with all of them screaming/whining.
** If it's a preschool day, I scramble to get us all out the door, skip breakfast, and do the gym/grocery shopping with the baby after dropping them off. Once home, they play until naps while I get myself some lunch and nurse the baby.
Noon: if at home, get the kids lunch and throw in loads of laundry.
1pm: The boys nap. Yes my 5 year old still naps. I've been told that most boys his age no longer nap. But for my very intense son, this must happen or he ends up crying on the floor by 5pm for no reason other than he exhausted himself.
Once the boys are down, I deal with the baby's needs upstairs and eat my now-cold lunch while folding laundry.
3pm. Terrible time of day. I've been a mom for 5 years and still don't know how to deal with this point in time. I am now exhausted and must drink coffee now. Haddassah is now getting tired and my oldest will wake up soon. Do I nurse her when he will only stumble into my room and wake her right as she is almost asleep? I always decide to risk it. When he does interrupt, the two of us engage in a cave-man sign language. My index finger goes up, then I do crazy waving with my hand as he mouths words of protest...poor kid.
4pm: Coffee has set in or I still need to drink more. I emerge from my bedroom ready to take on more housekeeping. I read a book to my oldest and we share a very loving time while the other two sleep. Middle child wakes up around 4/30-5 and they immediately begin fighting while I shush them. If he sleeps late, my oldest complains because he misses him.
5:30: I will now attempt an epic cooking experiment from a amazingly odd blog I'm into while prepping dinner. I am very task oriented, and I work best alone.
...My lifestyle obviously makes this a problem. Two boys interrupt and fight constantly. I try not to yell but do. I get out their play-dough so I can concentrate for crying out loud. They still fight and compete but their hands are busy - whatever. Sometimes I have one boy sit in the bath with toys so they are separated yet contained. They are never allowed in the bathroom at the same time because together they find some way to flood it. I attempt to vacuum sometimes because it gets the floor clean but more importantly - throws off the boys' fighting since they can't hear as well. Muahaha.
This is the point where I wait for Brandon to get home while cooking something, managing the boys, and spooning bites of something into the baby's mouth or trying to keep her entertained if she isn't napping. Sometimes we dance together or do some puzzle that facilitates learning. Whew! What a day and it's only 5:30!
Well there it is in a nutshell. If you wanna know what it is I do all day, this would be it. I do hope this doesn't deter anyone from having children, lol. This is probly as hard as it will get for me.
Just know that with the right music, all this can be pretty fun. ;)
So I thought I'd just go ahead and paint the picture for you then, since I know it'll be fun to read this when I'm looking back one day.
My day-to day varies greatly, but also has some hardcore routine.
Anywhere between 7:30 and 9: Nurse the baby in bed. Get dressed and wash my face. Come out and hug my boys, who are usually eating breakfast with Rose in the kitchen (the family friend who has been living in our spare room for 6 months to help me with kids).
9am: Eat breakfast and tend to children. Wipe butts, give the baby toys, clean random water-on-floor messes etc... All while drinking coffee and reading interesting blogs and articles.
9:30: Either get all kids ready and pack them the van so I can go work out, or get my cooking/cleaning on. If staying home, I do the beginning of dinner prep, vacuum, or dishes. All while taking little breaks to nurse, kissing boo-boos, giving time-outs, and reffing fights. During these hours before naps I try to sneak in the office for 3 minutes where I usually have an epic art mess going on and put some kind of finishing touch on my latest crafty creation (I love doing All the art you guys). Or if the boys are outside playing for a bit I'll take a cleaning break to practice a song on the piano two or three times before Hadassah cries for attention.
* If it's a gym day, I am there until noon, then we either stop at Taco Bell for the boys' beloved cheesy roll-ups or we go home where I attempt to make a healthier lunch with all of them screaming/whining.
** If it's a preschool day, I scramble to get us all out the door, skip breakfast, and do the gym/grocery shopping with the baby after dropping them off. Once home, they play until naps while I get myself some lunch and nurse the baby.
Noon: if at home, get the kids lunch and throw in loads of laundry.
1pm: The boys nap. Yes my 5 year old still naps. I've been told that most boys his age no longer nap. But for my very intense son, this must happen or he ends up crying on the floor by 5pm for no reason other than he exhausted himself.
Once the boys are down, I deal with the baby's needs upstairs and eat my now-cold lunch while folding laundry.
3pm. Terrible time of day. I've been a mom for 5 years and still don't know how to deal with this point in time. I am now exhausted and must drink coffee now. Haddassah is now getting tired and my oldest will wake up soon. Do I nurse her when he will only stumble into my room and wake her right as she is almost asleep? I always decide to risk it. When he does interrupt, the two of us engage in a cave-man sign language. My index finger goes up, then I do crazy waving with my hand as he mouths words of protest...poor kid.
4pm: Coffee has set in or I still need to drink more. I emerge from my bedroom ready to take on more housekeeping. I read a book to my oldest and we share a very loving time while the other two sleep. Middle child wakes up around 4/30-5 and they immediately begin fighting while I shush them. If he sleeps late, my oldest complains because he misses him.
5:30: I will now attempt an epic cooking experiment from a amazingly odd blog I'm into while prepping dinner. I am very task oriented, and I work best alone.
...My lifestyle obviously makes this a problem. Two boys interrupt and fight constantly. I try not to yell but do. I get out their play-dough so I can concentrate for crying out loud. They still fight and compete but their hands are busy - whatever. Sometimes I have one boy sit in the bath with toys so they are separated yet contained. They are never allowed in the bathroom at the same time because together they find some way to flood it. I attempt to vacuum sometimes because it gets the floor clean but more importantly - throws off the boys' fighting since they can't hear as well. Muahaha.
This is the point where I wait for Brandon to get home while cooking something, managing the boys, and spooning bites of something into the baby's mouth or trying to keep her entertained if she isn't napping. Sometimes we dance together or do some puzzle that facilitates learning. Whew! What a day and it's only 5:30!
Well there it is in a nutshell. If you wanna know what it is I do all day, this would be it. I do hope this doesn't deter anyone from having children, lol. This is probly as hard as it will get for me.
Just know that with the right music, all this can be pretty fun. ;)
Friday, January 1, 2016
Happy New Year. I've Got Goals.
I went all our this year. I decked the halls - which I think I'll never not do. I sent out packages to close family members who live states away. I bought presents for my siblings and thier families, and for my husband's siblings likewise. Baked cookies with my boys. I wrapped gifts while swatting little hands away from presents. We got a tree and decorated it.
I just didn't like it this year. Not to be a scrooge. Part of it is we have like 4 birthdays in the family at christmas time and it's just getting to be alot to buy for.
But also things felt too forced this year. I do the Christmas things because I want my children to feel the glowing magic I felt when I was little. But what I really want is for them to know that it's about Jesus being born. That mystery which is the most beautiful part.
How on earth do I accomplish that with the excitement of gifts and Santa at every turn?
I admit I was so busy this year that just operated on automatic mostly. My few attempts were a nativity scene, and children's books about the Christmas story. But the focus on Jesus kind of got lost in the mix alongside other books about Santa, movies with the grinch, and alllll the presents. And what kid wouldn't be extremely excited for presents? I don't want them to miss out on fun.
In fact they were so excited that on Christmas eve I found them hiding in the living room trying to wait for santa. We had put them to bed and were outside by the bonfire once we knew they were sleeping. But I found them like this at about midnight.
It was SO Cute. I actually ate a whole bowl of pudding on the couch before I heard something stirring off to the side and finally realized they had been lying right there, fast asleep.
Maybe I'm just confused a little as a parent. I mean I'm still semi-new at this mom thing. I just need to figure out what Christmas looks like in our home.
So my goal for this year's christmas in 2016 is first-off to buy less presents, but also to figure out the things I wasn't sure about such as, which traditions do I keep around for them? What societal norms do I want to subscribe to? Which ones are just fun and harmless? What traditions at thier level of comprehension can I use to bring the story of Christ to thier little hearts?
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