This past week was really intense for me. My husband worked overtime till 9pm a lot. I feel bad even saying this knowing some mom's have like 8 kids and some mom's have deployed husbands. I only have 3 kiddos, ages 5, 3, and 9 months. But oh my gosh I was constantly on my last straw.
Without going into why or how, my 5 year old is high needs. Trying to deal with a teething baby while the boys were going at it was extra tough this week though. Bad behavior is almost scripted here whenever the boys don't get enough daddy-time.
One day nobody would nap. I felt like ripping my hair out. Just friction at every turn. I was on empty and not being filled back up but still having to pour more of myself out. I actually told my son, "honey I need you to play very quietly right now. Mommy is out of batteries. I need to be alone so my batteries can charge, otherwise I start to feel icky."
He kind of understood when I broke it down like that, and even offered to play with the baby quietly so that batteries could charge, lol. But she wouldn't be quiet so... sigh.
And then the bad thoughts started eating at me.
Like "What was I thinking? This staying at home with small children is too hard and unappreciated. I went to college!"
"Was it a mistake to give up piano-teaching two month's ago? Well it was too stressful for me to be gone in the evenings.... but I should be allowed to have a life to! They're totally taking me over! No no, this was my decision..."
I found myself just ruminating like that while I was toweling off a toddler and handing toys to the baby while overly-stressed from my 5 year old's sticky mess. BECAUSE IT WAS 8 O'CLOCK AND I WAS JUST DONE.
I found myself searching for comfort and relief. And a small still voice said, parent from your knees. So I got myself into my bible as soon as I could. You know, at night, when I was dead to the world. I tried to read a little and get the wheels to turn inside my fried brain but they wouldnt. It's cool though. The awesome thing is that The Word is alive. Even reading while not really processing it did something for me and I felt recharged enough. GOD IS GOOD.
Then on Friday Rose could see how worn out I was and asked me what I needed. I said 'I don't know - like a day away from kids, lol" totally not being serious because it isn't an option (we don't have a lot of family to help by taking them all).
But Saturday I woke up to...quiet. I carried the baby out of the room and ate breakfast. No sounds of boys fighting. It was weird. Finally I asked my husband if they were ok downstairs. He said they were gone. Rose was taking them out until thier nap, then she was giving us a date as well in the evening. She surprised me! My whole body felt lighter!
It was just such a blessing. That whole day I was able to recharge and be a better more loving mom because of it! I really do take batteries. I'm so glad I asked God for help. Praise the Lord. And thank God for Rose. He definitly uses other people to help us and come through.
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